25 Marriage Counselors Reveal: The Jaw-Dropping Moments They Knew These Couples Were DOOMED
Brace yourself—some of these red flags will make you rethink your love life!
How can you tell when a relationship is doomed to fail? Ever wondered what signs have marriage counselors thinking, “Oh, this isn’t going to last”? We asked 25 seasoned therapists to spill the tea, and trust us—you won’t believe some of these telltale red flags. (Spoiler alert: If you catch your partner doing #8, it might be time to have a serious talk!)
1. “Isolation Is Key”—Controlling Partner Alert
Reddit user u/Sungillee33 shared that one of the biggest red flags is when a partner discourages the other from spending time with friends, family, or loved ones. According to them, “Isolation is a common tactic of abusive individuals. A healthy relationship is built on trust and mutual respect, not control. If you’re restricted in where you go, who you see, or what you do, it’s a massive red flag.”
2. “Kids Can Be the Biggest Tattletales”—Triangulation Troubles
Reddit user u/Mariske revealed a common family dynamic issue: triangulation of the kids. “Oftentimes, kids show symptoms because they’re subconsciously trying to even out the imbalance between parents,” they said. When kids misbehave in chaotic family dynamics, it’s often not about the kids but about the parents’ communication breakdown.
3. Listening Skills? What’s That?
One Reddit user, u/6ravo2ulu, a clinical mental health counselor, believes that active listening is the key to success or failure in a relationship. They noted, “People nowadays simply do not know how to actively listen to one another… Relationships succeed or fail on this simple premise—be still, and listen to your partner.”
4. When Defense Mode Never Shuts Off
According to Reddit user u/WhyAreYouUpsideDown, an overactive threat response is a big issue in couples. “People don’t stop turning down their defense mode and lose sight of love because all their energy goes toward being right,” they said. This constant defensive posture can create rigidity and block genuine emotional connection.
5. Eye-Rolling: The Silent Killer
According to Reddit user u/BosskingNorway, eye-rolling is a subtle but damaging sign of disrespect. “If either partner rolls their eyes when the other is talking or sharing, it’s a sign that the relationship won’t last.”
6. A Little Privacy, Please?
Reddit user u/the_friar shared an experience where a partner became overly suspicious when asked to meet with the therapist individually. “They would get panicky, asking why I’d want to meet separately. Every single time, this person turned out to be manipulative or controlling,” they said.
7. Playing the Blame Game
Reddit user u/maxpowerphd revealed that couples who blame their partner for all the issues without taking responsibility for their own role are in trouble. Healthy relationships require self-awareness and accountability. Without that, the blame game can end in a losing battle for both.
8. “Overbearing In-Laws? That’s a Dealbreaker.”
Overbearing in-laws are a common issue, says Reddit user u/crode080. “When a spouse is more allied with their parents, especially during fights, or bad-mouths their partner to their parents, it usually doesn’t end well. Cultural nuances aside, this often leads to long-term unhappiness,” they shared.
9. Compromise or Bust
Reddit user u/captain_ohagen, a clinical psychologist, shared that compromise is crucial for a relationship’s long-term success. “Refusal or inability to compromise is a ginormous red flag,” they said. “It’s a predictor of satisfaction in relationships.”
10. Revenge Affairs: The Ultimate Red Flag
According to Reddit user u/lightspeeed, they once counseled a couple who engaged in “retaliatory” cheating. “They called a truce after their anger subsided, but I doubt it lasted,” they said. Cheating out of revenge is a sign of emotional immaturity and often signals deeper relationship issues.
11. Understanding Consent—It’s More Than Just a “Yes”
Reddit user u/Sungillee33 shared an important perspective on consent. “True sexual consent involves ongoing, affirmative agreement from both parties—sober, under no duress, and able to change at any time,” they said. A lack of clear boundaries and respect for consent often leads to a dysfunctional relationship.
12. No Happy Memories Left? Uh-oh.
Reddit user u/future_ex_ms_malcolm shared that when couples can’t remember the good times, it’s a sign they’ve been unhappy for far too long. If a couple can’t smile when talking about their early days, therapists often see this as a signal that they’re on the verge of giving up.
13. “They Made Me Come Here”
Reddit user u/Kfaith629 emphasized that couples therapy isn’t likely to work if one person doesn’t want to be there. When a partner says, “I’m here because they made me come,” it’s usually a sign that the relationship won’t survive.
14. Trust and Respect—The Real MVPs
According to Reddit user u/sparky32383, the real keys to a strong relationship are trust and respect. “Love isn’t enough on its own—without trust and respect, most relationships will struggle,” they said.
15. Therapy Isn’t About Taking Sides
Reddit user u/bda-goat shared that it’s a red flag when couples try to get their therapist to “pick sides.” “Therapy should foster cooperation, not competition. If one person is trying to win over the therapist, it’s a sign the relationship is in trouble,” they said.
16. “Keeping Score Is for Sports, Not Relationships”
One of the biggest signs of a failing relationship is when partners keep score, says Reddit user u/natgoeshome. “Whether someone keeps track of everything they’ve done or everything their partner hasn’t, this is a major cause of resentment.“
17. Indecision Is a Decision
Reddit user u/lonewanderer015 shared a story about a couple who spent six months in therapy without moving forward. “The wife couldn’t decide if she wanted to be in the marriage or not,” they said. Being stuck in indecision is often a sign the relationship is headed for a breakup.
18. Dependency Isn’t Cute, It’s Concerning
According to Reddit user u/milksteaknjellybean, couples who are overly dependent on each other—emotionally or financially—often face trouble. Encouraging independence and personal fulfillment is crucial for long-term relationship health.
19. Meta Conversations = Meta Problems
Reddit user u/mybustersword explained that meta conversations—where the argument shifts from the issue at hand to the way people argue—are a sign of deeper communication problems. Couples who constantly argue about “how” they argue often have unresolved power struggles.
20. Fighting to Win, Not to Understand
According to Reddit user u/prninja8488, one of the biggest mistakes couples make is forgetting they’re on the same team. Couples who fight just to win instead of to resolve end up tearing each other down, missing the point of the relationship.
21. A Fresh Perspective Is Gold
Reddit user u/flushotdoc believes that having another couple as a point of reference can help a lot. “Therapists can only do so much—sometimes, seeing how other couples communicate can provide valuable perspective,” they said.
22. Sleeping Separately? Not a Good Sign
Reddit user u/deleted shared that a lack of physical or emotional intimacy often shows up when partners don’t sleep together. “Without medical or work-related reasons, choosing not to sleep beside your partner can signal a deeper emotional rift,” they observed.
23. Mixed Agendas in Therapy? Trouble Ahead
Reddit user u/ChickenSoup4theRoll shared that when one partner is unsure about staying together while the other wants to work things out, it often leads to disappointment. Both partners need to be on the same page for therapy to work.
24. More in Love with the Wedding Than the Marriage
Reddit user u/molten_dragon shared a common relationship trap: “Some people get married because they want a wedding, not because they want a marriage.” Without a focus on the commitment, the relationship quickly crumbles.
25. “If They Can’t Remember the Good Times, It’s Over”
Reddit user u/TiredMold shared that one of the biggest signs of a doomed relationship is when couples have completely forgotten what they liked about each other. If you can’t remember the good times, it’s hard to bring them back.
So, What Does All This Mean For You?
Maybe you’ve noticed some of these red flags in your own relationship, or maybe this article gave you a new perspective on what makes love last. Don’t wait seven years to seek help like many couples do—early intervention can make all the difference.
Got thoughts on these red flags? Drop a comment below! Share your story or ask a question—let’s keep the conversation going.
Note: Some submissions include topics of verbal and physical abuse. Please proceed with caution.