Dissecting feelings after my NYC trip
Hey guys!
Trip recap/brain dump for you…
From attending the Asian American Foundation Awards with the CEO of YouTube and my fellow AAPI creators to watching both the Michael movie and MJ the Musical on Broadway, this month has me thinking a lot about my upbringing. I’ve been finding myself on the verge of tears more often than I’d like.
A little backstory: you may or may not know, but I’m a huge MJ fan – oddly, a late stage one. I “discovered” him in high school during the 2003 Martin Bashir special that was meant to totally destroy Michael, but for some reason I saw nothing but a really talented performer.
And that’s when my obsession with all things MJ began. Read all the books, bought all the CDs, and studied his performances bc I was a girl on a mission to learn the moonwalk! I ended up doing a dance to ‘Beat It’ for the talent portion of the Miss Teen Chinatown pageant and I really do think THAT is what tipped the scales in my favor!
Anyway, watching Michael was beautifully nostalgic but when Joe Jackson came on the screen, the things he said reminded me so much of my dad that I was holding back tears the entire movie.
Growing up my dad yelled at me when I hit a “lousy” shot during tennis practice, he yelled at me when I couldn’t solve a math problem, and he yelled at me so much that becoming a perfectionist was the only way I knew how to be.
Later on in life when I finally rebelled and didn’t follow his plan for me to be a doctor, our relationship broke into pieces. The most hurtful part is that my “success” today is viewed in a similar way to how Joe Jackson viewed Michael’s success: a result of his doing.
I want to be clear that I love both my mom and dad and I am grateful for the way I was raised because it made me FIGHT to become exactly who I am today. I don’t wish to change my upbringing but I do wish to have a better relationship with my dad before it’s too late.
On a slightly diff note: NYC was great! Food was great! But the trip left me with a lot of feelings to dissect. From attending multiple glamorous events to reflecting on MJ’s tragic end, I’m thinking a lot about human nature and how we treat people based on who we think they are vs who they really are.